Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
