Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
