Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
