Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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