Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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