i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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