she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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