So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
