Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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