so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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