My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
