i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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