just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
