just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
