You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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