i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
His nipple licking is glorious
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
