Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
