Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Alive.
So much puke
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
