I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
