Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
