I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
