I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
