I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
