just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
