Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
