I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
