on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
