im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
