TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
