i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
