I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
