After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
