were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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