I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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