I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize