How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
