Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
