...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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