if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
