I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
