i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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