remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
