Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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