She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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