I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
