Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
