sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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