She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
