Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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