I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
