I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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