Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
