i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
