Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
