He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
