I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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