We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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