dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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