I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize