DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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