Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
