AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
