he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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