oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
