Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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