If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
