Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
