The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
