the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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