I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
