and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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