Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
