I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
