i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
