at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
