I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
